Hate That I Love You
by Garnet Hikari
Summary: Hyde and Jackie so many misunderstandings,insecurities and heartbreak.They say it's always darkest before the dawn,but why are the days always cloudy?Nothing can stop love if it's meant to be and that's just the way it is. Post S8Ep4.
1. Chapter 1  It Hurts

**Author's Note: **_I just wanted to say this will be a story that takes care of the Sam arc of the show. I really hated it. I was always a Hyde/Jackie-shipper. I hated that they weren't really given a fair chance. The name of the story is based on the Rhianna song Ft. Ne-yo simply because I think it describes their relationship the best. Also things always seem to get worse in my stories before they get better (you have been warned) and most of my chapters will be named after a song that seems to fit the story. I hope you enjoy this. Comments make me write more, but all I ask is that you be nice, criticism I can take, but don't be cruel. __ENJOY!_

**IT HURTS – 2NE1  
>(Kpop girl group English Translation)<strong>

thinking of that time not long ago  
>all those days we spent alone<br>walking hand in hand and never letting them go  
>but now you're into someone new<br>and I can forgive you  
>for making all those promises that will never come true<p>

tell me now where did our love go  
>tell me now I've the right to know<br>tell me now how could you stand the way you're hurting me so oh  
>tell me if you ever change your mind<br>tell me if you wanna make it right

am i the only one hurt tonight?

baby, why don't you care?  
>what ever happens to me you won't be there<br>and I know where ever we go  
>we'll apart, apart, apart<p>

can't you see what you have done?  
>to the girl that you adored<br>I used to touch the sky but now I'm down to the floor

I gave my everything to you  
>and we both know who ever you replace me with<br>she'll never love you like I do

^.^.^.^.^.^.^.^.^

_His wife…his wife. _Each word sliced a new gash into her heart. The words were like a razor blade across the place inside her that loved Steven Hyde. _His._ SLICE. _Wife._ SLICE. She heard the words replaying over and over again in her head like a scratched record. The words were there, but really it was like listening to Fez. It was just a bunch of clicks and buzzes. Nothing was making sense. But in reality how could it?

None of this made any sense. How had it happened? She loved Steven. She knew that he had to love her. Sure he had really never said the words, but she understood them in his touches. The small glances he gave her, making her feel like they were the only two in the whole world. In the way he held her or ran his fingers down her back when she sat on his lap. But every touch had been a lie. A loving deceit that would lead them down this road she was on now.

She had thought that even though they were so different, that the things that they had in common would hold them together. They were the orphans of the group, the only difference was that the financial status of their situations. Both had been abandoned by their mothers, but unlike her, Steven had found a loving father who took him in. Hers? Well hers was sitting in jail. Their mothers? Both losers who had ran away rather than deal with the issues of life and their children. They spent dark, sleepless nights talking about all the things they had in common that no one else seemed to see. Snuggled close sharing worries with Steven that she would never admit to anyone else. She had hoped that he was the one that saw the bitch, selfish Jackie that everyone saw was just a scared, insecure girl underneath. But her hopes proved to be wishes made on stars that faded to nothingness when the sun came.

By rights she should be angry with Michael. He did this. Michael and his in ability to understand anything always seemed to get in the way of her and Steven. His actions at the hotel had been completely unwelcome, but he never seemed to understand that once love was gone, it faded into something different. Some would say it was a different type of love. One based on past experiences and friendship. She would never feel that way about him again. He was a close friend and a part of her was proud that she was able to call him that considering all that they had been through. But when Steven had seen Michael in the midst of another stupid idiotic action, he immediately jumped to the conclusion that they had slept together. The lack of trust had hurt more than him storming out on her.

He didn't trust her – _ever_. Not where Michael was concerned. But he had never voiced that he still had insecurities, told her that he still worried she had feelings she was hiding. No indication that there was still some underlying doubt that she wanted to be with Michael or in some way found Steven lacking in some aspect. Was the simple truth that he was simply looking for a way out constantly and Michael was the best excuse he could use? She had never given him a reason to mistrust her, reassuring him at every turn, spending every waking moment loving him for who he was. But anytime Michael was thrown into the mix it was like she was not worthy of any of the trust she might have earned.

Maybe she had been childish when she voiced her need to be married. But she wasn't looking for now. Steven seemed to believe that the word had been lying underneath her words every time she had brought the subject up, but she had simply needed some kind of hope. When he had been sitting on the couch and said 'yet' at the end of his sentence, her heart had flared at the simple word. She wasn't asking for now, just someday. She would give up every dream she had just to know that one day she would be his. Then the knock on the door had come. At that moment she had known that it wasn't that he wasn't ready, he just simply didn't feel that way about her.

_His wife….._

Following those words were the whispered ones in her voice _not good enough._ She wasn't good enough. That's what it all came down to right? Not good enough to not cheat on. Not good enough to trust. Not good enough to have anyone to marry her – just not good enough for anyone. Staring across the scenery from the water tower she grabbed both sides of her head, grabbing fistfuls of hair pulling. _NOT GOOD ENOUGH! _Closing her eyes she let out an Earth shattering scream as the tears rolled down her cheeks. Why wasn't she ever good enough?

^.^.^.^.^.^.^.^.^

Steven stared at Sam sitting across from him. What the hell had he done? Fragments of that night came back to him in shattered pieces. All he had really known was that for three weeks he had been doing his best to pretend that Jackie Burkhart didn't exist. Seeing her with Kelso had always been a fine line for him. He knew it. Shattering his composer and sending him into a fit of anger and self doubt faster than speed of light. It had always been that way. He had always harbored the fear that Jackie would run back to Kelso. Kelso listened to her, where he usually blew her off. Kelso was the guy every girl wanted to be with and had made it known that he was just waiting for Jackie to be free. He had always felt it was just a matter of time for Jackie to realize she wanted the same thing. Against his better judgement Steven had let her in his closed off, indifferent heart. Not just once but twice. He loved her and for him that had been a scary new road he had never taken before. Seeing Kelso at her hotel room talking about sex and being naked had shattered the fragile offer he had come to make her.

So he had stormed out. Peeling out in his Camino he had hit the road with no clear destination in mind, all he knew is that he had to get away. Somehow he had found himself in Las Vegas. Drowning his sorrows and running away so that he didn't have to face the thought of losing Jackie. He had convinced himself for those weeks that he hated her. Every fiber in his being screamed that he should hate her. Where was all the Zen he was always spouting now? But he knew deep down that he couldn't hate her. Nothing even close.

Breaking his gaze from Sam he put his head in hands. What the hell had he done? He had liked Sam well enough, but to marry her? He was definitely king. Even Kelso's illegitimate baby daddy status couldn't trump this one.

Kelso. There was a subject he had yet to touch. He didn't want to think about him yet or why he was always so quick to blame Jackie when it took two people to cheat. It was just something else he didn't want to handle right now.

Even worse than the self pity he was feeling was the fact that he was about to hurt two different people simply because he was an idiot. Gazing back up at Sam he wondered if he should try to make it work. It would be the easiest way to get over Jackie. She would stay away from him and he could distract himself. Maybe the best of action was to take no action. Accept things the way they were, move forward. After all things couldn't get any worse, could it?

TBC...

A/N: This was just an intro, other chapters should be a tad longer. ^ ^


	2. Chapter 2 Kindly Unspoken

_**Kindly Unspoken – Kate Voegele**_

_In the days of my folly  
>I followed your lead<br>Did what Simon Said to do  
>But I won't let melancholy<br>Play me for a fool  
>Oh, no I'm on my way somewhere new<br>And as far as your lack of something to say  
>Well, to tell me goodbye there was no better way<em>

_Kindly unspoken  
>You show your emotion<br>And silence speaks louder than words  
>It's lucky I'm clever<br>If I didn't know better  
>I'd believe only that which I'd heard<em>

^.^.^.^.^.^.^.^.^.^.^.^.^.^

Hyde slowly made his way to the breakfast table. His mind was still jumbled with all that had taken place the morning before. He had sent Sam to a hotel by herself last night, needing space and time by himself trying to figure out what the hell he was going to do with the mess he had found himself in. Slumping down on the chair at the breakfast table, he glanced over at Red.

Red glanced back and snapped the newspaper. "Heard you got yourself hitched." Red turned his attention back to the sports section snapping the paper again. "Dumbass"

"Red stop. Now Steven let's look at this rationally." Setting down the scrambled eggs, Kitty took a seat. "What the H-E-Double hockey sticks were you thinking?"

"I was drunk?" Steven didn't know what to say. It was the truth and dumbass seemed to fit nicely in this situation.

"That's why you should do what I do and drink at home. See what happens when you leave. Oh my God what if Eric gets drunk and gets married in Africa? They'll make him some part of a tribe and never let him leave. We'll have to trade six goats and a cow for him. What are we going to do?" Kitty whimpered looking at Red in the process of her tirade.

"Now look what you've done Dumbass." Red said deadpan glaring at Hyde. "Kitty don't worry about it. They won't ask for a cow, maybe a couple of chickens, but not a cow."

"Ohhhhh my baby boy!" Kitty sobbed as she left the kitchen table. "I need a drink."

"For Heaven's sake Kitty it's 9:30 in the morning," Red said.

"Well if my baby is going to have to be traded for some chickens I think I deserve a drink!" With that Kitty stormed out of the kitchen.

Red let out a long suffering sigh. "Ok Steven what are you planning on doing about this?"

Hyde sat back thinking about the question, "Well I think I might give it a try. I mean why not?"

Red stared hard at Hyde choosing his words carefully, "Didn't you tell Jackie over and over that you didn't want to get married?"

"Well that was Jackie, this is Sam."

"So what you're saying that you would rather marry a complete stranger rather than the person you're in love with?"

"I'm not in love with her. She loves Kelso. She a complete spoiled pain in the ass, all she ever did was complain. 'Steven why are you dressed that way? Steven why are you poor? Steven when are you going to take me out?' A normal person would be insane by now."

"So you're gonna stay married to some stripper that has no idea about anything about you and you know nothing about her? That's the way you're gonna play it?"

"Yeah pretty much. It's better than being married to Jackie any day. On top of everything else I don't want to be with a cheater."

Red said nothing, but kept staring at Hyde. He knew that Hyde had cheated as well, but he also knew that it wasn't his place to say anything to him about it. "Well I'm sure Kitty will make you live here, at least for a little while." He said dismissing Hyde and turning back to the paper.

"Ok as long as it's cool with you." Hyde rose from his chair heading toward the basement.

"Oh and Steven one more thing."

"Yeah?"

"Dumbass."

^.^.^.^.^.^.^.^.^

Jackie silently backed away from the back screen door. She hadn't meant to eavesdrop but it sort of just happened. She'd heard every damning word that Steven had said to Red like a dagger to the heart. Did he really think of her that way? Did he really plan staying with that random whore he married? What the hell?

As Jackie stopped on the driveway, she stood there trying desperately to remember how to breathe. She didn't think it was possible for a broken heart to break more but it was. How could Hyde be so cruel? Maybe after everything it was really over. But there was no way she was going down like that, she was Jackie FREAKING Burkhart. There was no way she was going to lay down and act like a broken doll. Straightening her shoulders she made her way down to the basement.

Entering she crossed her arms and sat on the seat closest to the door. Glaring at Hyde, she silently dared him to say anything to her. Hyde said nothing choosing to stay silent and unreadable behind his sunglasses.

"Hey Hyde look at what I found in the trash," Kelso said as he hopped over the back of the couch, taking a seat, "It looks like Fluffykins the unicorn I gave Jackie."

Hyde just shrugged his shoulders, "Looks like trash to me."

Jackie continued to glare at him, "Well it is both. Trash and Fluffykins."

"Oh well here Jackie," Kelso threw Fluffykins at Jackie smirking at Hyde. "I know how important it is to you Jackie. It's a symbol of our love."

Jackie caught the stuffed animal mid flight. "Thanks." Placing one hand around the neck and the other on the body, she gave a vicious yank. The head tore away from the body leaving the fluffy animal in two different pieces.

"Damn Jackie! I bought that…well stole it. But damn Jackie!" Yelling Kelso looked at Jackie like she had lost her mind.

Ignoring Michael's outburst, she continued to glare at Hyde. "So this is what we're gonna do? Stare at each other? You're not going to say anything?"

Hyde remained unreadable behind his glasses, "Nothin to talk about man. And who said I was looking at you? I was sleeping. I always knew that you would find your way back into Kelso's pants and look, you did."

"Get bent!" Jackie threw the decapitated stuffed animal at Kelso and stormed out of the basement.

"Wow she's cranky," Michael got up to throw the two pieces of what was left of Fluffykins away. "She wouldn't be damn crabby if she just woulda let me do it with her. What cheers people up better than sex?"

"What did you just say?"

"Sex? People always smile after doin it."

"No moron, before that." Hyde was holding his breath hoping that he had heard Kelso wrong. "About sleeping with Jackie."

"Oh. She wouldn't be so damn crabby if she just would have slept with me when I took her to Chicago. Not like I didn't show up all ready to go. I mean you saw me. All this perfection ready to be adored." Kelso said sitting back down staring at the T.V. "But nooooo just kicked me out wearing a towel. I mean who can resist this in all its naked glory? She must have been temporarily blind or something."

"So you didn't sleep with Jackie? But I saw you naked at the hotel."

"Well it's not like I didn't try, I mean c'mon. She was sad and I wanted to cheer her up and like I said what cheers you up better than sex?"

"Kelso I should kick your ass!"

"Why I didn't sleep with her. I might now. I mean since you're married and all and Jackie is single. Nothin stoppin me now."

"Why did you take her?" Fury rode on every word coming out of Hyde's mouth. "Why do you always do this? She was my girlfriend! I told you man! I told you to back off! Why couldn't you?"

"I told you Hyde I love Jackie. I want her. Nothing's changed. And now you screwed yourself, don't blame it on me!" With that Kelso walked out the door slamming it in his wake.

Hyde watched as a flustered Kelso leaving feeling like someone had just punched him in the gut. "Whatever man." He didn't like the feeling that he didn't really know what to do now. Once again he had accused Jackie of doing something she hadn't done. He knew that the feeling had to be jealously, but he had never felt this way about a girl before, so he wasn't entirely sure what the feeling was. He had no clue how to handle it. Maybe if he really looked closely he knew that he lashed out irrationally towards Jackie, but he just couldn't seem to help himself.

Reality was that they were from completely different worlds, but some way, somehow, they complimented each other. Where she was too shallow, he was too deep. Where he was too cynical, she was too naïve. They were the epitome of ying and yang. Different, but enough the same to keep them balanced. His life had gotten used to the constant demands she had made, in some sense he had even come to love her for them. Her being bossy was just her way with those she loved. The more she bossed you around and insulted you, the more she loved you. It was as crazily twisted as that.

If he thought back he had warned her about his trust issues. Sure it had seemed light hearted at the time, but he had been speaking the truth. His whole life he was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. It was hard for him to trust – anyone, not just Jackie. Everyone that had swore to be always there and loved him had left. His mother, the first guy he had thought was his dad, everyone. He couldn't see that Jackie would be any different. He had some serious flaws that he hid behind his bad ass exterior, he knew that. But it was one of those things that he refused to acknowledge or begin to repair, it was too touchy feely for him to even acknowledge.

That was a part of the problem wasn't it? He wasn't used to fighting for anything or anyone. He was more a let the chips fall where they may kind of guy. Not even the last time Jackie had walked out on him for cheating had he chased after her when his heart had screamed for him to do so. A part of him rationalized that there was nothing worth fighting for—nothing. But if he dug a little deeper he knew that the real reason was because he was just too damned scared to try.

Dammit where was Foreman when he needed him. Off in some remote jungle, eating bugs and sleeping in grass huts, that's where. Foremen was the only one that he could actually talk about all this sissy lala crap with and know that he wouldn't crack a single joke. He was more like a brother than a friend. At times like this it's when he needed him most. Despite his dorky exterior, Foreman was actually a person whose opinion mattered and made sense.

Hyde looked up as he heard footsteps coming down the stairs. Mrs. Foreman's bouncy step announced her arrival, "Steven someone's here for you." Behind her came a medium sized blonde dressed a little to revealing to be in good taste. _Jackie wouldn't ever wear something like that._ Great just what he needed. He was in no frame of mind to deal with Sam right now.

^.^.^.^.^.^.^.^.^

Jackie walked blindly for a few blocks finally ending up at a small park several blocks away. She sat down on a swing, slowly pushing herself back and forth. This hurt. It hurt so damn much. It hurt so much more than when Michael had left. Maybe because where Michael had immature and a first love, Steven was a mature deep love.

Steven made her think. He pushed past the shallow exterior and made her strive to be more than she was. She actually started to think of other people, despite their financial status. Heck, she'd even stopped calling Donna some of the names she had been recently. She never thought it was possible for someone to change her, but the truly scary part was she liked it. She liked that people actually took stock in what she said, rather than blowing her off being vapid and shallow.

None of this mattered in the long run though. It was over. She knew it. Her heart wouldn't hurt so badly if it wasn't true. Somewhere inside she knew that this was somehow a turning point in her life. The thing was, did she control the outcome or let it control her as she had always done? This was her life too and honestly she was tired of being run over. Maybe it was time to make a change.

She had given up her dream job in Chicago, but there was nothing saying that she had to stay in Point Place. She was graduated now and honestly had enough funds to move to where ever she wanted to. She knew that she wouldn't go far, but far enough that the people would be new and the experiences different.

The most important thing was she was done with men. Granted she had only had two real boyfriends in her life, but if this is what it meant to love, then she didn't want a part of it anymore. She was done. How many times had Donna told her she needed to try and be single for awhile? She had scoffed at the idea, but now it was definitely holding some appeal. She had always hoped for happily ever after, obviously that was never going to come through. She was done with that, now it was time to take matters into her own hands and move forward.

She would take baby steps exploring this new life she was planning for herself. Then when she was ready she would take that big leap, holding her breathe the whole time. But first things first….she needed to find a tattoo shop.


End file.
